Choosing a Soul

I wrote the following words 3 years ago. Today, my Soul has chosen its place, where I am currently absent. Does this mean that she has abandoned me? I feel her presence and warm care. I am on my way. To her.

“The Soul says: “Put into words what is playing in me today”. I sip the bittersweet herbs (liquorice with white peony) and listen, keenly, I close my senses. I scan the flow of blood cells, their birth in the marrow and their death in the spleen. I create myself and die in every moment. Life? Death? I dip my nose into the warmth of my body. I smell the warmth precisely. Awakened after a dark and drizzly night. The soul stretches lazily. It mutters. “Oh yes, you can feel me, see me, hear me and taste me.” It falls silent for a moment, and I immerse myself in its silence.

I open my eyes and the black clouds in the sky assault me with memories of the past months. The herbs taste only bitter, the cold seeps in from my feet and creeps upwards. Again. The pain comes again. The taste of suffering spills over the taste buds of the present moment.

“Soul! How much longer? How much of the pain of the past do I have to accept in order to experience peace, light and silence?” – I exclaimed.

“As long as you want. As much as you need. Your Way of the Cross can last a day or a year, or maybe a lifetime.” – she replied.

I looked at the clouds once more. And I felt how swollen they were with rain. Water for which new life is waiting in the ground. And I realised that I don’t need the way of the cross. Peace is everywhere. In sun and rain, in light and darkness, in sweetness and bitterness. I am the one who sets the seal. I create my world with my thoughts.

“I do everything to the best of my ability. I take nothing for granted. I don’t assume anything in advance. I don’t use words against myself or others.” – I remembered the four Toltec agreements I made with myself many years ago.

I can feel my Soul smiling. It purrs and warms and the warmth spreads through the highways of the aortas, the pathways of the vessels and the pathways of the capillaries. “You see, if you want to you can do it. You listen to me and hear me. You look at me and see me. You feel me and … you love me. And I am with you until the last moment. Always.”